Tag: police

Garda Never Gets Go On Door Sledge Thing

A MEMBER of the Garda Armed Support Unit has issued a complaint to GSOC about how he never gets to do anything cool like bash in someone’s front door with that kickass two-handled ‘smashy yoke’, WWN can report. The guard, who cannot be named as it might instigate a garda smear campaign including accusations of… Read more »

Gardaí Launch Operation ‘Ah Don’t’

ALTHOUGH no extra powers have been granted to Gardai to enforce the Level 3 restrictions now in place around the country, officials remain confident that just the sight of guards on the road will be enough to convince the nation to comply with the guidelines around travel and mass gatherings. “To anyone thinking that they… Read more »

Nightclub Bouncers Installed On Dublin Border

AHEAD of the imminent announcement that Dublin is to be placed at a ‘Level 3.5b/figure it out yourself, minus the square root of face mask’, authorities have strategically placed nightclub bouncers along the county’s border. “Not tonight pal,” groused one of hundreds of bouncers all named Mick, to a desperate Dubliner trying to gain entry… Read more »

‘No Donuts If Innocent Civilian Murdered’: US Police Reforms Revealed

COMPETING police reform bills are being put forward by the Republican and Democrat parties, with an emphasis on reshaping how policing is thought of in America. Trawling through the bills WWN has gathered some of the stand out reforms proposed which should instantaneously solves all policing issues and systemic racism present in American institutions: The… Read more »

US Cops Pledge To Beat Everyone Equally

POLICE in the US have begun the long, hard road to reform today, with a freshly-minted pledge to mete out heavy-handed brutality in a fair and equitable fashion, with whites, blacks, Asians, Latinos, and whatever else getting the same big-stick justice from now on. “The protests that we saw following the death of George Floyd… Read more »