Gardaí Launch Operation ‘Ah Don’t’

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ALTHOUGH no extra powers have been granted to Gardai to enforce the Level 3 restrictions now in place around the country, officials remain confident that just the sight of guards on the road will be enough to convince the nation to comply with the guidelines around travel and mass gatherings.

“To anyone thinking that they can travel between counties, we say this; ‘Ah would you not, please?'” said a spokesperson for An Garda Síochána, at the launch of Operation ‘Ah Don’t’, a plan described as ‘optimistic’ at best.

“There are restrictions in place which technically aren’t laws so we’d hope that anyone stopped at checkpoints will turn back and go home instead of just saying ‘cheers for the advice Guard’ and driving on, which technically they’re permitted to do. But rest assured, anyone who chooses to not heed a guard at a checkpoint is going to get done for something; tax, insurance, the slightest of baldy tyres, we’re getting you on something”.

With the government’s entire plan to battle Covid-19 hinging on the public just doing what they’re told for once in their lives, Gardaí are considering how this might affect policing going forward.

“I suppose we could also ask drug dealers to just, y’know, not sell drugs” mused Commissioner Drew Harris.

“After all, we’re a police force that sends our members out onto the street with a stick and a whistle and they seem to do alright. If it’s one thing Irish people do well, its obeying authority figures. I’m certain that Operation ‘Ah Don’t’ will succeed, and if not we will simply switch to Operation ‘Here, Now, Stop That'”.

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