Garda Never Gets Go On Door Sledge Thing


A MEMBER of the Garda Armed Support Unit has issued a complaint to GSOC about how he never gets to do anything cool like bash in someone’s front door with that kickass two-handled ‘smashy yoke’, WWN can report.

The guard, who cannot be named as it might instigate a garda smear campaign including accusations of child molestation against him, spoke to WNN about his frustrations at constantly watching other cops ‘have a great time breaching doors’ during drug raids and arrests, while he had to make do with keeping lookout from the road.

“Which is the worst part of a drugs raid, believe me. Standing outside the front wall, having all the neighbourhood kids coming up going ‘here Mister, what are yis arresting Tommo for today?’ or ‘here guard, givvus a go of your gun will ye, ye prick?’,” stated the ASU member, speaking in confidence as the Garda Ombudsman worked out what to do about his complaint.

“I did battering-ram training, same as every other guard on the unit. And we were told that we’d all get a shot at using it, on rotation. Well, my turn has come around more than once, but every time I’ve been told that no, it’s someone else’s go and I’m left minding the jeeps. I’m not taking it any more!”

A file from GSOC has assured the guard that due to chronic under staffing of the ASU, his turn on ‘Mr. Smashy’ won’t be long coming.
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