Housing Refugees In Newgrange: Government Reveal Options Under Consideration


NEWGRANGE is to be converted into a temporary accommodation site for Ukrainian refugees, under plans leaked to the Irish media.

The prehistoric passage tomb will be fully exhumed, its sodden roof replaced and converted as part of a government efforts to identify viable places to house refugees fleeing war.

“If you brick up the passage tunnel you’re probably talking enough room for 300 beds,” confirmed one civil engineer no longer asked by authorities to check if accommodation for the near 33,000 Ukrainian refugees in Ireland is suitable, safe or viable.

“What proof do you need that it’s fit for housing refugees other than the fact it’s been standing since 3200BC?” scoffed the engineer.

The megalithic structure has been dubbed ‘megacomfy’ by the developers being paid ten times the going rate to convert Newgrange so that it reaches the bare minimum ‘complain and we’ll put you in Direct Provision’ standards sought by the Dept of Housing.

Other options being considered in the fever dreams of right wing loons include mass evictions of Irish pensioners, turning the 1916 leaders graves into Airbnbs and converting Áras an Uachtaráin into Little Kyiv.

Elsewhere, local back-slapping businesses hiring desperate Ukrainian refugees have confirmed their relief at the lack of interest from authorities in checking up on working conditions and possible exploitation.