Tag: china

“TikTok’s Dodgy Data Gathering & Links To Chinese Government Fine By Us” Confirms Ireland After Jobs Promise

AVERTING its eyes from any concerning news reports about social media app TikTok, Ireland has already begun unfurling the red carpet to welcome the data harvesting company’s announcement of ‘some jobs’ for the country. “Yiz could be making your app out of the pulped remains of Uighurs for all we care, chuck us a few… Read more »

China To Euthanize Population And Start Again

THE central government of the People’s Republic of China has announced a series of radical new plans to tackle the recurrent outbreaks of the Coronavirus, including euthanizing its population, incinerating them, sterilizing the entire country and starting all over again. The State Council has ordered the annihilation of almost 1.3 billion people over the next… Read more »

“This Lab Had Nothing To Do With The Virus” Confirms Wuhan Mutant Bat Doctor

CATEGORICALLY denying all responsibility for the design and subsequent spread of the Covid-19 virus, a Wuhan based mutant bat doctor reassured awaiting press that his laboratory was in no way connected to the pandemic. “Wizzzzuuuuuuwissssssss,” Dr. Chang Wu began, apologising for the loud screeching noise which left reporters reeling, “apologies, I’ve literally come out of… Read more »

China Warns Hong Kong It Won’t Have Democracy Much Longer If It Keeps Insisting On Using It

FRESH from continuing to casually imprison over 1 million Uighurs Muslims in harmless sounding ‘reeducation’ camps, the Chinese government has reacted to the news that Hong Kong’s recent elections results saw big wins for pro-democracy candidates with a predictably laid back response. “Yeah… if you’re going to insist on using your democracy like it’s an… Read more »