“Yes, We Would Go To War With China” & Other Calming Biden Quotes To Get You Through Monday


MONDAY is the most dreaded, stress stricken day of the week but Mondays just got a little easier thanks to US president Joe Biden who has issued some calming quotes to get us all through the day.

Wading into the contentious issue of Taiwanese independence Biden restored the feelgood factor to the week ahead by stating ‘yeah, we’d totally reign down terror on China if they so much as thought about laying a finger on Taiwan’.

However, Joe didn’t just leave the good vibes there with that little nugget of blissed-out tension deescalating diplomatic deftness. Here’s Joe’s other quotes that’ll help you all get through Monday with a serene smile on your face:

“We’re all going to die some day”

“Here’s what happens to the human body in the event of a nuclear bomb going off, be sure to watch the following video in slow motion to really appreciate the skin-eviscerating quality of this unholy terror”

“Do you have any small red marks on your body? That’s probably a tick bite and you probably have lyme disease”

“Father Ted is an overrated English comedy”

“I know your in work and busy but have you ever thought to torture yourself with thoughts like ‘what if my kids are in danger this very second?’ or ‘someone I dearly love could have been involved in a horrible accident'”

“Did you read that UN climate report which said it’s basically too late to act now and we’re doomed too? No? I’ll send it to you now”

“And you might think, ‘hey US military intervention against China invading Taiwan would act as a contagion engulfing all nations’ but you’d be wrong, you’d likely be conscripted and end up blow to smithereens in a trench in some Godforsaken battlefield”

“He said he’s going for a drink with the guys? Yeah, he’s definitely cheating on you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”