IMPARTIAL judge on Chinese political goings on and noted basketball player LeBron James has confirmed he has seen missing Chinese tennis player Peng Shuai and everyone can stop being mean to the Chinese Communist Party now.
There had been fears for Peng’s safety ever since she went missing shortly after alleging she had been sexually assaulted by a top Communist Party official but thankfully James, an authority on Chinese authorities even since he came to the defence of the CCP when they were criticised by an NBA general manager during Hong Kong pro-democracy protests in 2019, has brought the much needed good news.
“I’m sure she’s fine, reports of her disappearance are probably ‘misplaced’. Seeing an email clearly not written by her released by Chinese authorities – consider me informed and educated on the matter,” confirmed James.
The World Tennis Association has threatened to pull out of China staged events if Peng remains unaccounted for and her allegations remain uninvestigated.
“Are you fucking nuts? What losers pick morals over money?” every single other major sports governing body asked the WTA.
“We just want to warn you if you think this gesture if going to be the start of other sporting, business and cultural bodies growing a backbone let me tell you from my all expenses paid 5-star presidential hotel suite in Qatar, you’re going to disappointed,” confirmed FIFA.
Elsewhere, actor John Cena has released a grovelling apology in Mandarin after controversially referring to Peng as a ‘person’ and angering the lucrative mainland China marketplace.
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