Priti Patel To Carry Refugees To Rwanda On Her Back If She Has To

A FURIOUS Priti Patel has issued threats to physically carry every damn refugee in Britain all the way to Rwanda herself, even if it means putting thousands of return flights on her taxpayer-funded expense accounts.

“One way or the other, these fuckers are going to east Africa,” roared the Home Secretary today, as plans to fly illegal immigrants from Britain to Rwanda were recently thwarted by the European Court of Human Rights.

“Lawful or not, I don’t care. We have to be seen to be tough on immigration, it’s the only thing we Conservatives have left after every other Brexit promise turned out to be pie in the sky. If we can ditch 70 to 100 lads in the middle of Rwanda before the end of the year, no matter how much it costs, it’ll buy us the next election. So if that means I tie a grown man over the handlebars of a bicycle and cycle to Africa, then that’s what I’m doing”.

Patel is said to have the full support of prime minister Boris Johnson, who has added that he’s more than willing to help her practice the dead lifts and deep squats needed to be able to lift a refugee onto one’s shoulders and run with them for thousands of miles.

Meanwhile the Labour party are waiting on poll results to see how much of their voter base is in favour of forced deportations, before they make a decision on whether or not they publicly condemn the practice.