Government Vows To Find Out Who’s Responsible For Lack Of Refuge Spaces For Domestic Abuse Victims
AFTER watching last night’s harrowing episode of RTÉ Prime Time the government has confirmed it will not rest until it finds out whose callous negligence and indifference is responsible for the lack of supports and refuge capacity for domestic abuse victims.
“We may be as slow as a tortoise reversing up a hill when it comes to this stuff but mark our words we’ll launch several time-sapping reports that outline a number of changes we can’t possibly achieve because it will be completely underfunded from the get-go,” confirmed Minister for Justice Helen McEntee.
The news will come as a relief to the estimated 8 domestic abuse victims turned away each day by overwhelmed refuge services who can’t offer them shelter.
“Our new, inter-departmental reimagining of how we approach the hostility and violence experienced by women in Ireland will join the National Broadband rollout, the Children’s Hospital and the Metrolink as another great success of recent governments,” explained a spokesman for the Dept of We’re Only Doing Something Now Because We’ve Been Shamed Into It.
“It’s just unfortunate we’ll never know who got us into this mess,” added the spokesman, in place since 2011, as he covered his ears to drown out cries of ‘your lot did’.
“We haven’t managed to impose exclusion zones at hospitals preventing women seeking abortions without being subjected to vile intimidation, we’re still fighting Cervical Cancer victims through the courts, we actively briefed against survivors of Mother and Baby Homes and ignore judges who want guidance on sex crimes sentencing, but yes, you can believe us when we say we’re fully behind women on this,” confirmed a raft of government TDs on social media, as they tried to scrape the internet of their Dáil voting records and public comments.
Elsewhere, opposition parties who have had issues ranging from ignoring accusations of misogyny within their party to actively trying to discredit a rape victim have been ordered to stay at least 100ft away from the moral high ground.