NPHET Table New ‘Do Whatever The Fuck You Want’ Recommendations


THE nation was given fresh hope that the pandemic would soon reach its end after a leaked document from NPHET shows how the team are edging closer to throwing up their hands and saying ‘do whatever the fuck you want’.

Following almost two years of facing backlash from sections of the nation for recommending  restrictions which the government would then ignore, the National Public Health Emergency Team seem now willing to let nature take its course and let anyone who wants to spend the day licking handprints off a wall do just that.

“Go nuts. Have fun,” the leaked document read, seemingly in line with the government’s plan to keep as much of society open while pushing a message of ‘personal responsibility’ to offset any subsequent wave of death and misery.

“If you’re a close contact, isolate for ten days. Or six days. Or three, or none. Who gives a fuck at this stage, nobody’s listening to us. So yeah, get a vaccine and a booster, or do a handstand and funnel red diesel up your arse. Who gives a fuck”.

NPHET boss Tony Holohan seemed to second the message in the leaked memo, having switched his ‘out of office’ message on before heading to an all-day rave in Galway with a car full of school teachers, with not a mask between them.