Hutch Murder Trial Collapses Because Ireland


THE REGENCY Hotel shooting trial which inflamed the gangland violence of recent years has collapsed, prompting members of the public to observe that this is a very Irish thing to have happened.

Those pouring over the details of the trial and legal expert opinion have been told they would be much better off simply concluding “well, it is Ireland after all” and moving on.

“Yeah okay, I’m sure someone could read up on it and see a prosecution process in need of an overhaul, spineless politicians paying lip service, a police force expected to act like the NYPD with the budget and resources of a famine era farm, but I just say ‘fuck it, welcome to Ireland’ and pour myself a whiskey,” confirmed one Irish crime expert.

Several inquiries and investigations have been launched off the back of the trial’s collapse and it will no doubt get to the bottom of everything.

Elsewhere a public appeal has been made to anyone who is really good at looking at photos of gun carrying men dressed as women, then pointing to a man in court and saying ‘my, he looks rather familiar but I can’t put my finger on why’.

“If there’s one thing we’ve learned it’s that perhaps the Gardaí have too much manpower and good training, too many resources and need less help and oversight, and the DPP should rush things to trial even quicker in the future,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Department of Ongoing Cuts.