Craic May Rise To 91, Fear Experts


THE hands of the craic doomsday clock have been moved forward by experts for the first time in nearly 20 years, with experts fearing that the sheer ‘gasness’ of being Irish may breach the tolerable ‘craic = 90’ benchmark in the coming weeks.

The combination of St. Patrick’s Day, the amount of pent-up craic accumulated during Storm Emma, and the dropping of regulations on the sale of alcohol on Good Friday could see the craic in Ireland reach 91, with Craicologists at a loss as to what this will do to the fabric of Irish society.

Calls have been made for emergency anti-craic measures to be put in place by the government, in a bid to get the nation to settle the head and catch a hold of themselves ‘before the whole thing is fucked altogether’.

“The craic doomsday clock hasn’t been this high since Italia 90,” said Patrick McPaddy, originator of the craic scale during an ill-fated trip to the Isle Of Man.

“We need an emergency budget, a USC hike, Irish Water back on the job. Otherwise we could be heading in to a 3-week session that could push this country over the brink into Craicmageddon, a craictastrophy, just craicdemonium altogether”.

WWN would advise those seeking to avoid the upcoming Craicnarok to seek shelter until the summer, when the craic should shift to other countries as all the mad bastards go on holidays.