Dole Cheat Stocks To Be Erected Nationwide

DOLE cheaters will now face up to two weeks in specially designed pillory stocks which will be erected nationwide from September, Minister for Social Protection Leo Varadkar has confirmed today.

The announcement comes after a new hard-hitting campaign was launched last month to encourage members of the public to blow the whistle on social welfare fraud.

The proposed stocks, which come in various sizes and can hold up to 12 dole cheats at any one time, are to cost the State €600 million over the next four years, and are expected to save the department a staggering half a billion euro every year.

“Middle to high earners will be allowed to throw rotten fruit at the outed dole cheats once they are secured in the stocks,” Minister Varadkar said today. “Not only do we want people to rat out these vermin, but we also want to name and shame them locally, and encourage a class divide. This will benefit us in the future if we ever decide to make cuts in the social welfare; it’s them against us”.

Last year, over 20,000 allegations of alleged social welfare fraud were dealt with by the Department, and that figure is set to rise to 30,000 with this new campaign.

“I never really thought of ratting out anyone before,” local newsagent Dermot Lyons told WWN, “but when I heard they’re going to introduce stocks in the city centre, I was all over it. This week alone, I’ve already ratted out a quadriplegic I know is definitely faking it. I can’t wait to fuck an auld rotten cabbage at them. I can see this catching on”.