Tag: instant

Post Paddy’s Day Come Down Expected To Last The Rest Of The Week

Students, young professionals, unemployed people, children and the homeless are said to be fairly fucking bolloxed after partaking in a thoroughly enjoyable St. Patrick’s weekend, culminating yesterday with the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. Productivity throughout the country is verging on the comically low as everyone halfheartedly pretends they are going to put the effort… Read more »

Rest Of Ukraine Pretending They’re Homosexual

FOLLOWING CRIMEA’S electoral decision to join Russia, Ukraine’s leaders have called on its population to pretend they’re homosexual for a while. The calls for gay came after 93% of the Crimean population voted against rule by the current Ukrainian government, in what the west has called an ‘illegal Poll’. Since news of the mutiny, thousands… Read more »

You Are Drunk

WWN can reveal after carrying out an extensive survey of the Irish public, chances are you are probably quite drunk right now at this very moment. It is thought that the vast majority of Irish men are currently urinating in public while Irish women look on in envious horror. A total of 15% of the… Read more »

Drunk Children Funnier, Finds Survey

INTOXICATED CHILDREN are more than 300% funnier than their sober counterparts, a new survey carried out by scientists revealed today. Toddlers as young as two years old were said to be the funniest out of a group of 600 children tested by neurological experts at Oxford University, England. Researchers divided the children into three categories:… Read more »

Fukushima Residents Go Green For Patricks Day

FINAL preparations are taking place today in Fukushima, Japan, for St. Patrick’s Day, where residents have ‘gone green’ to mark the event. Keeping with tradition — alongside the Niagara Falls, the TV tower in Berlin’s Alexanderplatz, the London Eye and Table Mountain in South Africa — Fukushima mayor, Sum Yung Guy, said locals have ‘greened… Read more »

Marching Band Members Can’t Wait For All That Sweet Ass St. Patricks Day Pussy

MUSICIANS performing with Marching bands in St. Patricks Day parades across the country are this weekend resting themselves in preparation for a deluge of horny groupies following their performances on Monday evening. Bandmasters have begun administering condoms and Vitamin B12 shots in order to help band members survive the sexual onslaught which follows the yearly… Read more »