Tag: instant

Shock As Elderly Waterford Woman Melts In The Heat

There has been widespread shock as the close knit community of Dungarvan is coming to terms with the passing of Joyce Dunlop, a 72-year-old pensioner who literally melted due to the recent Heatwave experienced by Ireland. While many families enjoyed trips to the beach involving sand getting trapped and lodged in incredibly awkward and uncomfortable… Read more »

Ex-Girlfriend Moving On With Her Life Like A Complete Bitch

Wicklow man Alan Moore is said to be enraged after closely observing every online profile of his ex-girlfriend for the past two weeks only to discover that she is moving on with her life like a complete and utter bitch. Alan dumped longtime girlfriend, Jessica Byrne, via a specially crafted Snapchat which saw him produce… Read more »

Gardaí Struggling To Perfect Good Cop, Bad Cop Routine

Gardaí are under the spotlight yet again following rumours that some members of the force have failed to perfect their ‘good cop, bad cop’ routine which has served police forces around the world so well for many years. “It was not a problem we foresaw but we will address it in the coming months,” said… Read more »

‘Got Stuck With A Rake Of Garth Brooks Yokes If Anyone Wants Them For Cheap’, Pleads Waterford Lad

WATERFORD entrepreneur Jamie Lonergan has pleaded with anyone looking for cheap drugs over the weekend to give him a call, as he has been left stuck with over 500 Garth Brooks pills after the singer cancelled his scheduled gigs. According to the 23-year-old, the slightly speckled ecstasy tablets, bearing Brooks’ signature caricature, are only expected… Read more »

US Firms Blast Obama For ‘Magically Becoming Irish’ When It Suits Him

AMERICAN companies stationed in Ireland have today blasted US President Barack Obama for ‘Magically Becoming Irish’ when it suits him, following his latest attack on our country’s beautiful tax laws. Mr. Obama accused US firms of ‘playing the system’ in Ireland through tax inversion deals, stating it was “illegal” and “wrong” of them to avail of the tax… Read more »

Women To Spend The Evening Masturbating To 50 Shades Of Grey Trailer

The husbands and boyfriends of Ireland have been banished to the spare room this evening as the hotly anticipated trailer for erotic movie 50 Shades of Grey has been released. Several pathetic requests by partners to ‘join the fun’ were denied almost immediately. The trailer ‘dropped’ this morning via helicopter and has been called ‘sexy’,… Read more »