Are You Beach Ready? Here’s Our Top 5 Tips


HEADING to the beach this week? You and the rest of the country, all out to take advantage of the scorching weather we’ve been enjoying lately!

If you’re taking a trip to the seaside, you’re going to want to make sure that you’re ‘beach ready’… not that your body is beach ready… that’s a load of sexist nonsense. What we mean is you’re going to need to bring a few bits and bobs with you, to make sure you make the most impact! Such as:

1) Cans

Loads and loads of cans of beer, cider and alcopops, for you and your pals to enjoy in the Sun. Remember to take into consideration your age, drinking experience, and overall capacity for alcohol, and use this to ensure you bring way more drink than you’re capable of handling. Have fun!

2) Some sort of boom box

Everyone heads to the beach to relax, but they may not have remembered to bring a huge speaker that streams dubstep tunes off their phone, so that everyone on the beach can listen to the same repetitive or sexually aggressive track over and over again. Make sure you don’t forget yours!

3) Rubbish

A Snapchat post only lasts a day; so how are people going to remember you were on the beach this time next week? Don’t forget to bring copious amounts of empty bottles, fast food wrappers, used condoms, and other assorted rubbish to leave behind you when your friends carry you back to the train station.

4) Fight

Here, did you fucking look at me? I’ll fucking burst you, you cunt, get you and your fucking kids out of here before I…

5) Puke

Kick a bit of sand on it, it’s grand.