Adams Vows To Hold Sinn Féin Back For Another Few Years

SINN FÉIN leader Gerry Adams has today confirmed he will again seek nomination as the party’s president, promising to hold them back from progressing on from their questionable past for another few years, while he concentrates on finalising his Republican legacy. Unhappy with the party’s current options for leadership, Adams, if re-elected, said he will be examining a… Read more »

“Anything Happen While I Was Away?”

BREEZING into the office this morning at 9.05am, Garda Commissioner Noirin O’Sullivan was the picture perfect definition of a well rested and thoroughly relaxed individual after her brief 5-week stint away from An Garda Síochána. “Anything happen while I was away?” queried the Commissioner as she leafed through a very sparse pile of post from… Read more »

Local Woman Always Has Something Wrong With Her

LOCAL LISMORE woman Rebecca O’Dowd always has something wrong with her if her most recent 1,000 health complaints are to be believed, WWN has learned. O’Dowd, 27, had only recently gotten over a severe case of the sniffles before being struck down with a back ache which probably started because of how she tied her… Read more »

Meet The Five Lads Who Are Keeping Ireland Safe From International Terrorism

FOLLOWING the appointment of one new anti-terrorism specialist, swelling Ireland’s ranks to an impressive five, WWN have decided to sit down and chat with the elite squad of counter-terror operatives that are keeping our streets safe from the threat of radical fanatics. Derek The newest member of the team, Derek is in charge of thinking about… Read more »