Tag: olympics

Wait, What? Is That It? The Olympics Is Over!

WWN SPORTS can confirm categorically that the 2020 Tokyo Olympics has in fact come to a close, and there is no need for anyone to call their satellite or cable provider to complain about why there’s no more sport on their telly. “It wrapped up early on Sunday morning, you probably missed it because you… Read more »

Dublin Apartment Wins Olympic Gold For Best Dive

THERE was more Olympic triumph for Ireland in Japan this morning, after a bedsit on Dublin’s North Circular Road was declared the winner by a panel of judges in the debut of the ‘Best Dive’ event. Factors in the decision to grant gold to the apartment, listed as being for a single person but with… Read more »

Irish Olympian Seeks Asylum Over Indoor Dining Discrimination Back Home

INSPIRED by Belarusian sprinter Krystsina Tsimanouskaya’s attempt to gain asylum after her coaches allegedly tried to force her onto a plane back to Belarus against her will, an Irish athlete is seeking the protection of a welcoming nation from tyrannical rule back home. “It’s like Nazi Germany back home,” relayed Ireland’s premier Mental Gymnastics athlete… Read more »

Sexual Tension Between Tokyo Olympics Mascots Off The Charts

TOKYO OLYMPIC officials have been urged to speak to official Olympic and Paralympic mascots and tell them to ‘dial it back’ as the bristling sexual tension displayed by Miraitowa and Someity reaches boiling point. “Yeah… those are definitely fucking,” remarked a distracted NBC commentator, lost in the flirtatious back forth of the two mascots when… Read more »

RTÉ Sport Presenters In Line For Bonus If They Don’t Mention Michelle Smith Once During Olympics Coverage

FEARING a Beetlejuice scenario in which controversial 3-time Olympic gold medal winner Michelle Smith de Bruin could manifest in front of their eyes and make everything extremely awkward, RTÉ remain steadfast in their effort to limit mentions of the former swimmer to zero. “Once you remind yourself a million times ‘don’t say Michelle Smith de… Read more »

Jay Z Takes Gold In Freestyle Event At Olympics

A VETERAN of the newly introduced 60 second freestyle rapping event, Jay Z has taken home the gold and is set to compete in the marathon freestyle event later this week which takes over 26 hours. Performed in an emptied out 50 metre Olympic swimming pool, the event is judged by IOC-appointed XXL magazine judges… Read more »

CAB Seize Haughey Olympic Silver Medal

A MOMENTOUS first Olympic swimming medal for Hong Kong and a proud day for the communities of Hong Kong and Ireland took an unseemly turn as officers from the Irish Criminal Assets Bureau swooped in on the Tokyo medal ceremony to confiscate the silver medal won by Siobhan Haughey, the grand-niece of disgraced former Taoiseach… Read more »