Best Part Of Winter Olympics Is When They Fall On Their Arse, Finds Report


THE lure of athletes simultaneously shattering their dreams and their tailbones is what draws the most spectators to the Winter Olympics, according to a new survey released today.

In a poll taken among sports-watching begrudgers, almost 100% of people agreed that seeing a slalom skier smash into a pole balls-first was ‘the kind of thing that keeps them watching’, with many expressing disappointment when an event ends without incident.

Many cited the spectacular nature of most Winter sports bloopers as a reason to tune in, while others admitted that they just like to watch elite and entitled athletes spectacularly crash and burn, ending up at the bottom of a ski slope after a failed jump in a big snowball with arms and legs sticking out like a road runner cartoon.

“In the Winter Olympics you get to see some privileged kids eat shit and fly off the track in total humiliation – to someone like me lying on the sofa eating Quavers at half twelve in the day, that’s just wonderful entertainment,” explained one fan.

“Plus anything on ice is pure gold. Whether it’s speed-skaters barrelling into a barricade, or a delicate figure skater pile-driven into the ice by a fumble from their partner, it all looks absolutely devastating. Plus they end up sitting on the ice, which is known to cause piles so that’s just adding insult to injury,” they added.

Further data from the study showed that many people are disappointed that downhill snowboard racing is ‘nothing like’ the classic ‘SSX’ snowboarding franchise on the PlayStation.