Tag: hse

HSE Unveil Bunk Bed Trolleys To Combat Hospital Congestion

ACTING on record levels of hospital overcrowding, the Health Minister Simon Harris in conjunction with the HSE has unveiled a €3bn investment into ‘bunk bed trolleys’ which are expected to half the number of people waiting on hospital trolleys in only a matter of weeks. Technically classed as one unit, the new bunk trolleys will bring the monthly figure down from 10,000… Read more »

BREAKING: Simon Harris TRAPPED Inside Of Simon Harris

NEWS has just broken that Health Minister Simon Harris is believed to be TRAPPED inside Simon Harris. The disturbing incident comes hours after an estimated 400,000 protesters (believed to be convicted murderers from JOBSTOWN and part of the terrorist ANTI-AUSTERITY MOVEMENT) stood VIOLENTLY outside the home of the health minister, WWN can sensationally report with loud… Read more »

“Fuck The Nurses,” Clarifies Government

REMOVING any ambiguity from recent comments made in public, to the Dáil, in the media and said privately when they think no one is listening, the Government have helpfully clarified for the public ‘fuck the nurses’, WWN can reveal. As separate strike actions from midwives and psychiatric nurses remain ongoing, the government has tried to… Read more »

HSE 10 Year Challenge Pictures Exactly The Same

IRELAND’S national health system the HSE stated it was absolutely flattered after its 10 year challenge pictures were almost identical to 2009, WWN can confirm. The Health Service Executive posted two images late yesterday evening depicting crowded hallways and hospital trolleys littered full of annoyed, sick patients waiting to be seen by struggling nurses and doctors. “Oh my God, you haven’t… Read more »

HSE Down To Last Wire Brush, Bottle Of Dettol

ANYONE currently awaiting treatment for ailments ranging from chronic piles to chronic pyorrhoea have been advised to check with their local hospital to see if their appointment has been cancelled, after the HSE admitted that cutbacks have decimated its supply of Dettol, and the one wire brush owned by the health executive is ‘fucked’. Furthermore, the… Read more »

Government Tick ‘Completely Fuck Over CervicalCheck Victims’ Off Their To Do List

THE GOVERNMENT has capped the expenses package promised to victims of the CervicalCheck scandal, with victims only allowed claim on expenses incurred after the 11th May 2018. Ticking off ‘completely fuck over CervicalCheck victims’ their list, the government freed up time to either pretend homeless figures are going down or distract the public by getting… Read more »