ACTING on record levels of hospital overcrowding, the Health Minister Simon Harris in conjunction with the HSE has unveiled a €3bn investment into ‘bunk bed trolleys’ which are expected to half the number of people waiting on hospital trolleys in only a matter of weeks. Technically classed as one unit, the new bunk trolleys will bring the monthly figure down from 10,000… Read more »
TIRED of having to read several articles to keep up to date with all the various crises in the HSE? Lucky for you, WWN have compiled this handy guide to keep you up to speed! Children’s Hospital Hopes that the woefully over-budget Children’s Hospital project would suddenly shed €500m in expenses and arrive on time… Read more »
THE committee overseeing the construction of the National Children’s Hospital has been revealed to be a married couple in their mid-eighties who were assured by the builder that he could get the job on time and under budget, and who hasn’t been seen for weeks since ‘nipping out to Woodies for screws’. Diarmuid and Agnes O’Connell,… Read more »
NEWS has just broken that Health Minister Simon Harris is believed to be TRAPPED inside Simon Harris. The disturbing incident comes hours after an estimated 400,000 protesters (believed to be convicted murderers from JOBSTOWN and part of the terrorist ANTI-AUSTERITY MOVEMENT) stood VIOLENTLY outside the home of the health minister, WWN can sensationally report with loud… Read more »
REMOVING any ambiguity from recent comments made in public, to the Dáil, in the media and said privately when they think no one is listening, the Government have helpfully clarified for the public ‘fuck the nurses’, WWN can reveal. As separate strike actions from midwives and psychiatric nurses remain ongoing, the government has tried to… Read more »
IRELAND’S national health system the HSE stated it was absolutely flattered after its 10 year challenge pictures were almost identical to 2009, WWN can confirm. The Health Service Executive posted two images late yesterday evening depicting crowded hallways and hospital trolleys littered full of annoyed, sick patients waiting to be seen by struggling nurses and doctors. “Oh my God, you haven’t… Read more »
THE HSE has come under fire yet again today after a detailed report found that thousands of women are waiting up to 9 months to give birth in Irish hospitals, WWN can confirm. The shocking report found that the large majority of expecting mothers are being “fobbed off” by national hospitals every few weeks, with many… Read more »
ANYONE currently awaiting treatment for ailments ranging from chronic piles to chronic pyorrhoea have been advised to check with their local hospital to see if their appointment has been cancelled, after the HSE admitted that cutbacks have decimated its supply of Dettol, and the one wire brush owned by the health executive is ‘fucked’. Furthermore, the… Read more »
FOLLOWING news that a staggering one million Irish people are currently waiting on some form of hospital waiting list, Minister For Health Simon Harris has called on the nation to take a good hard look at itself, WWN can confirm. “What are you doing to yourselves at all?” asked Mr. Harris, who was rudely interrupted by… Read more »
THE GOVERNMENT has capped the expenses package promised to victims of the CervicalCheck scandal, with victims only allowed claim on expenses incurred after the 11th May 2018. Ticking off ‘completely fuck over CervicalCheck victims’ their list, the government freed up time to either pretend homeless figures are going down or distract the public by getting… Read more »