Apologetic Irish Government Suddenly Place Order With Apple For €13bn Worth Of iPhone 16s

AFTER AN EU court left the government with a face like a bulldog lacking piss off a nettle with news that yes, the €13bn Apple owe in unpaid tax in Ireland will have to be paid, a quick thinking Taoiseach Simon Harris paid a visit to the online Apple Store and went on a spending spree.

Placing, €13bn worth of pre-order purchases of the new iPhone 16 in his online shopping cart, aides began questioning if the plan to reunite Apple with money the coalition feels it would be rude to keep.

WWN has been able to obtain a leaked transcript of the recorded conversation:

Aide: “We need to make this look at least a little bit convincing Taoiseach, why would we need all these phones?”

Harris: “Well, you know the way we have nearly 15,000 people homeless and further hundreds of thousands locked in a rental death spiral or sleeping on their parents couch?”

Aide: “Yes”

Harris: “Well, now that we have this €13bn we don’t want…”

Aide: “Yes, go on”

Harris: “Why don’t we say we’re spending it all on iPhones for these people as a little pick me up. Not like we’d have any actual use for €13bn aside from that”

Aide: “Fuck sake”

It is at this point the recording becomes muffled for some time until an aide can be heard ringing the OPW to ask them for the number of the guy who did the Leinster House bike shed.

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