Min. For Health Hires Consultancy Firm To Investigate Whether Hiring More Nurses Would Solve Nursing Shortage

IN AN attempt to appease an on-the-verge-of-striking Irish Nurses and Midwives Organisation and Fórsa, Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly has said he hears nurses’ concerns about a shortage of staff in rehab, cancer, palliative and pediatric care and will see if the HSE paying a consultancy firm a lot of money will help.

“There’s legacy issues with the hiring freeze and nursing positions are being left vacant, we hear you, but it would be foolish of us not to pay one of the big four vast sums of money to tell us whether or not hiring more nurses could address these concerns,” confirmed Donnelly.

“Work flow paradigms within a care-administrating setting is thoroughly unexplored from a resource deployment best practice scenario vis-a-vis deliverables, parlaying that into a data-led approach which also augments stakeholder knowledge could result in a conclusive outcome-execution model that works for all,” confirmed one consultant, wracking up €1,500 per sentence uttered fee for their employers.

An additional consultancy contract has been entered into which will explore if nurses who have been vocal about their fears that patient safety is being compromised due to being overstretched and understaffed are in fact ‘workshy moaners’.

UPDATE: The preliminary surface level fact acquiring interim report has recommended an increase in pay for whoever commissioned the initial report.

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