Man’s Anxiety Over Monkeypox Disappears After He Learns It’s Mostly Spread By Having Sex

INITIALLY plunging himself into the pit of anxiety he last fell into at the onset of the global Coronavirus pandemic, local man Stephen O’Neill was relieved to learn the specifics on how the artist formally known as Monkepox, Mpox, is primarily spread.

“Thank fuck for that, literally,” explained O’Neill, delighted to learn those contracting Mpox have likely engaged in sexual acts, something the 29-year-old last partook in when fidget spinners were still a craze.

“I was fully prepared for stocking up on loo roll, disinfectant, masks, the whole shebang but now that I know you’re more at risk if you’re sexually active none of these warnings apply to to me,” confirmed O’Neill who produced a sketch of a pineapple on a skateboard when asked to describe sexual intercourse.

“Chance would be a fine thing,” confirmed O’Neill as he read about the fact the infectious disease can be spread through kissing, touching, oral and penetrative vaginal or anal sex with someone who is infectious.

O’Neill is not alone in expressing his relief that contact of a sexual nature is required, a number of men with condoms dating from the Jurassic period accumulating dust in their wallets are said to have similar worries put to bed, a bed they last had company in when The Simpsons was going through its golden age.

Elsewhere, leading tabloids have said they hope its readers know how much work they are putting into lacing articles about Mpox with latent homophobia subtle enough to evade detection by the average person.

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