English Relations Having Funeral Very Late, Confirms Local Mother

THE UNTIMELY passing of a relation in England has prompted one local mother back home on Irish soil to grieve but mainly query why the English are so weird the way they do funerals.

“You might as well have the month’s mind at the same time at this rate,” confirmed Bernadette McCreedy, who is being asked by her nieces and nephews to travel to Manchester for her brother-in-law’s funeral several weeks after the shock of the news has dissipated and faded into the background.

“I wouldn’t mind but they’re not English themselves with Irish parents like, they don’t have to do as the colonists say. Tell the funeral home you want uncle Liam back in the house by the end of the day. None of this weeks of arsing about,” confirmed McCreedy to her sons who hoped she hadn’t said as much to her grieving relatives.

“And if you mention a wake over there they look at you like you’ve two heads, three arses and four fannies. It’s terribly dry, the way they do it. Imagine their reaction now if you broke out into song, they’d have you committed,” added McCreedy, livid at the thought.

Speaking with an air of extreme judgement, McCreedy left her sons in doubt as to her opinions of what a thundering disgrace it was that the wake for Liam couldn’t have begun in the ambulance over to the hospital.

“But that’s the English for you, they suppress their emotions and pretend none of its happening, unlike our deeply empathetic Irish traditions whereby we drink ourselves into oblivion like civilised people,” concluded McCreedy, who will have to be held back when she witnesses the pathetic excuse for a spread.

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