Taoiseach To Call Election Soon Before Fine Gael Runs Out Of TDs
TAOISEACH SIMON Harris is to imminently announce an election date before any remaining party TDs announce they’ve done all the damage they can do and it’s now up to a new generation of Fine Gaelers to get average rent in Dublin over the €4,000 mark.
“We’re up in the polls and down on TDs, I think it’s time to act before all candidates have to wear name badges because I’ve never met them before” Harris said as several TDs flanking him visibly faded into nothing like they were a Marty McFly photograph in Back To The Future.
Sources close to Fine Gael’s election team are worried about the time and resources needed to find and vet new candidates with one person saying that “sociopaths happy to join a party who has presided over record homelessness, criminal hospital cost overruns, teacher, healthcare and garda shortages don’t grow on trees”.
“A.I tech has come a long way but cloning tech just isn’t where it needs to be. When we tried to clone Leo Varadkar we got Neale Richmond, we can’t afford something like that happening again,” explained a party insider.
Reacting to the news that the deputy leader of the party Heather Humphreys will step down after only months under Harris’s reign as party leader, the media went into a fit of hysteria.
“More than half their TDs announcing they are stepping down is normal and not a crisis, nor is it worth bombarding Fine Gael with questions over it or setting up separate sections of our websites dedicated to ‘Fine Gael in Crisis’,” confirmed the media, which has just launched a new free to air Sinn Féin Allegations channel on Irish TVs.
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