THE launch of the HSE’s Covid-19 Contact Tracing App was met with a chorus of ‘no fucking way’ from people adamant they will only permit sharing their personal data through the use of apps belonging to five, maybe six massive multi-national corporations and tech firms at best. The tracker, which uses geographical location data to… Read more »
SCHOOLYARD bullies are among the groups most likely to be affected by new Covid rules from the Department Of Education, with a ban on wedgies and Chinese burns performed without gloves, a full cessation on headlocks and diddy twists, and a strict one dead-arm per child per day law, WWN can confirm. “It says here… Read more »
A NEW research group headed by a team of young Waterford men have published findings centred around the fact that ‘necking’ two ecstasy tablets, could help keep the doctors away and combat the Covid-19 virus. “Dey’d sweat de bastard outa ya, shur,” explained lead researcher of the study Dr. Marko Collins, crudding up a hock… Read more »
THE HSE has announced a framework for the re-starting of nationwide breast check clinics and cancer screenings as part of the emergence from the Covid-19 emergency, with early proposals including the serving of ‘a substantial meal costing no less than €9’ with each mammary scanned. “One day we just went ‘oh yeah, women, better do… Read more »
WITH a new report suggesting that 50% of Irish people have increased their consumption of alcohol since the implementation of the Covid-19 lockdown, WWN have employed renowned drinking expert James Michael Phelan to help you through any problems that this increased intoxication may be having on you. With over 20 years of boss-dodging, breath-hiding hangover… Read more »
AS MORE INFORMATION comes to light and the facts about key decisions, genuinely unforeseen errors and tragic missed opportunities become known in relations to Irish nursing homes, it is slowly becoming clearer who must share blame and who they are trying to blame in turn. With the days of ‘we’re all in this together’ long… Read more »
THE Irish public have overwhelmingly agreed that the Coronavirus outbreak that crippled the country a mere 10 weeks ago is ‘done and dusted’, and that Monday’s proposed move to phase 2 of re-opening should be ‘cranked up ta fuck’ all the way to phase 5. The second phase of reopening, set to kick in on… Read more »
THE 47 TONNES of underwear sent by lusty middle aged women to Ireland’s Chief Medical Officer Tony Holohan is to be repurposed into face masks for the nation, the HSE has confirmed in its daily update. An Post confirmed the leasing of a special ‘nickers for Holohan’ sorting office has been been secured in City… Read more »
AS THE World Health Organisation warns of the potentially massive impact the Covid-19 pandemic and its associated restrictions will have on mental health, and the news of a dramatic increase in admissions to mental health facilities in Ireland the government has acted decisively with one ‘go for a run’ tweet issued from an account with… Read more »
UP to eight potential Covid-19 vaccines are heading towards completion thanks to a 40-country, €7.4bn-backed effort to find a safe, viable vaccination to the disease that has ravaged the planet; not that Waterford woman Helen Keedale will be allowing it anywhere near her. “I’m not letting Bill Gates put any of this Nano technology into… Read more »