A SIGNIFICANT sigh of relief was emitted by those in Ireland who, fearing the worst, thought for the briefest moment the rise in Covid-19 cases might have been affecting important people like the middle class. With clusters reported among low paid workers, Direct Provision residents and the Travelling Community, the tension felt by genuinely important… Read more »
THE TAOISEACH made the reluctant decision to delay the reopening of pubs for at least another 3 weeks, prompting auld lads at the end of bars to spontaneously combust from blind rage. But with Covid-19 cases on the rise here and elsewhere, many believe there are only easy, simple and obvious measures to put in… Read more »
THE HSE’s timely advice for sexually active people during the pandemic has been met with harsh criticism by 76-year-old WWN correspondent Augustine O’Partland, who composed the following announcement on the subject. “I know I say this at least twice a day lately, but have you ever seen such codology in all your life? You’d swear… Read more »
AN INGENIOUS system used by farmers to protect their sheep against infestation from external parasites is to be adopted on a trial basis in rural Ireland in a bid to ward off Covid-19 infection spread among school children. Sheep dipping troughs are to be installed in over 200 Primary Schools nationwide before September and is… Read more »
WITH IRISH gyms reopening, many fitness fanatics were unsure if their gym would be a safe place to workout. Well, WWN is sad to report, that gym lovers have their answer in the tragic case of one Waterford man, Darren Carmody. Following his new gym’s health and safety protocols to the letter of the law… Read more »
LOCAL Covid-19 scofflaw Miles O’Hannon is still free from Coronavirus despite adhering to none of the precautionary measures or regulations laid out by the government, much to the chagrin of his ‘goody two-shoes’ neighbours and friends. O’Hannon, 35, tackled Coronavirus with an ‘it’s all a load of shite’ approach that many believed would surely come… Read more »
THE government is faced with the difficult decision of finding an adequate group of people to blame a potential second surge on; with the impoverished and the youth looking like prime targets. Although the continuing influx of tourists from Covid-19 hotspots appeared to be the obvious choice for blaming a recent spike in infections on… Read more »
THE launch of the HSE’s Covid-19 Contact Tracing App was met with a chorus of ‘no fucking way’ from people adamant they will only permit sharing their personal data through the use of apps belonging to five, maybe six massive multi-national corporations and tech firms at best. The tracker, which uses geographical location data to… Read more »
SCHOOLYARD bullies are among the groups most likely to be affected by new Covid rules from the Department Of Education, with a ban on wedgies and Chinese burns performed without gloves, a full cessation on headlocks and diddy twists, and a strict one dead-arm per child per day law, WWN can confirm. “It says here… Read more »
A NEW research group headed by a team of young Waterford men have published findings centred around the fact that ‘necking’ two ecstasy tablets, could help keep the doctors away and combat the Covid-19 virus. “Dey’d sweat de bastard outa ya, shur,” explained lead researcher of the study Dr. Marko Collins, crudding up a hock… Read more »