CONCERNS surrounding the effectiveness of the Covid-19 vaccine or the possible side effects are not front-of-mind for most Irish people according to a new survey, with almost 100% of people polled admitting that they’d gladly drink it out of a smelly welly if given the chance. Although the effectiveness of vaccines such as the AstraZeneca… Read more »
WITH more and more evidence emerging regarding the effectiveness of mixing Coronavirus vaccines, the Health Service Executive of Ireland has called on out-of-work bar staff to come forward to help the department mix different variations at their labs. “We figured we could kill two birds with the one stone and try and give back to… Read more »
AFTER the Irish Midwives and Nurses Organisation told an Oireachtas health committee that 82% of healthcare workers surveyed said tackling Covid-19 has had a negative impact on their mental health, the government was moved to tell nurses to save what remaining energy they have by cutting out the moaning. “God love ya, we can see… Read more »
THE HSE has assured the country that all over-70s will have received their first dose of vaccinations by mid-April, a mere two to three weeks after the original estimated date of the ‘end of March’ and a probably two to three months before the actual completion date, WWN can report. “No, we can’t give you… Read more »
THE government continues to defend its decision to increase by €81,000 to €292,000 the pay to be given to the person appointed the next secretary general of the Department of Health, prompting discord amongst the Irish public. “Surely we have the technology to take that role and its astronomically offensive salary and melt it down… Read more »
CILLIT bang representative Barry Scott has confirmed the company has almost completed developing a Coronavirus vaccine which he claims will eradicate 99.9999999999% of Covid variants, stating “bang and the virus is gone!” Demonstrating the new vaccine at a high-octane press briefing today, the overly enthusiastic Mr. Scott looked almost manic in appearance as he frantically… Read more »
CONSPIRATORIAL websites around the world lit up today following the first confirmed death to be associated with the Pfizer vaccine, before being forced to come up with novel ways to work around the fact that the deceased party was in fact struck by a delivery truck. The unnamed German man was said to be ‘toddling… Read more »
AS THE furore builds over the use of excess vaccines in hospitals before they expire, which is something you can’t in any way blame the HSE, Department of Health of the Minister for Health for, rumbles on hanging around the back of the Rotunda and the Coombe may be your best chance of securing the… Read more »
FRONTLINE health workers across the country have today kindly asked the government, HSE, anyone at all, to stick their claps up their holes and actually get them some proper fucking help, stat! “We appreciate all the praise, the contributions, free take aways, claps, all that stuff; but we’re stretched beyond capacity here due to poor… Read more »
IN SCENES which will undoubtedly be described as ‘normal’ by the Minister of Health and not nearly as dangerous as trying to have a go at charging your phone in the bath, frontline health workers who have been listed as close contacts to someone who tested positive with Covid-19 are returning to work in a… Read more »