HAVING taken a bit of a tumble over the weekend, we here at WWN found ourselves in our local A&E department this morning after our GP took a look at our swollen arm and referred us for an X-ray to make sure nothing was broken. A routine examination, we were assured. Nothing that would take… Read more »
A LISMORE man is counting his lucky stars after coming within inches of killing himself earlier today in his kitchen, WWN can reveal. Geoff Higgins, a 32-year-old IT consultant, was preparing his breakfast just like any other morning only to feel the eery hand of Death brush against him. “Coffee, banana, toast with several clumps… Read more »
“LEFT? Left! Or… the right one? Yeah, the right one was the right one, or shit, was it the wrong one?” The inner pondering of highly accomplished surgeon Dr. Gideon O’Connell O’Shea revealed a medical professional questioning whether or not he had taken out the correct lung from a patient as part of a lung… Read more »
THERE were tense scenes in Dublin City centre today as a crack team of IT specialists enlisted by the government to ward off any ill effects from the WannaCry malware gathered around the HSE’s only functioning computer. The 12 experts, whose CVs will be checked by the government sometime next month, stared nervously at the… Read more »
SIMON HARRIS’ political star continues to rise as the Minister for Health unveiled radical plans for the HSE, which could see healthcare blame shifting revolutionised in the coming years. With the HSE averaging 34 scandals per hour, a hospital waiting list just shy of an imaginary number you make up when trying to illustrate just… Read more »
“WHAT is it you want from me?” screamed James Farrihan this morning, standing in the street outside his suburban Waterford home after receiving a chilling delivery of a fully-functional Nutribullet to his front door. “Where did you get this? Who sent you?” he demanded of the courier who had delivered the package, shaking him roughly… Read more »
BEING constantly stressed, tired and run down can cause you problems. But why do you feel wrecked all the time? Well, according to groundbreaking new research, you could be a moany cunt. Luckily, you’re not alone. Chronic tiredness is one of the most common reasons people go to their GP, with many moany cunts going undiagnosed for most of their adult… Read more »
WITH accident and emergency departments across the country bracing themselves ahead of the St. Patrick’s Day weekend, a plan which will involve patients with less severe complaints ‘mucking in’ hopes to curb the amount of people left lying on trolleys. Aiming to deflect complaints that it never acts to improve the A&E experience ahead of… Read more »
DEADLIER than cigarettes, alcohol and heroin combined, the average household television set is the root cause of countless illnesses. In association with the HSE, the Mothers Association of Ireland (MAI) has recently released the top five ailments acquired by sitting too close to a TV, as well as tips on how to avoid them. 1)… Read more »
RTÉ have released details of their upcoming programming for the Autumn season, with a brand new sitcom based on the daily operation of the health service receiving the slot vacated by the cancellation of Republic Of Telly. ‘It Hurts When I Laugh’ will feature several RTÉ favourites starring as a team of HSE officials as… Read more »