“Those Responsible For CAMHS Failures Will Have Promotions Delayed By A Week” Confirm HSE

“IF WE’RE able to identify the individuals responsible for low staffing, long hours, lack of supports, low pay for entry level consultants and poor recruitment practices, well, any pay rises or promotions they’re in line for will be delayed by a few days” – the stern warning issued in tandem by senior HSE, Department of Health and government officials which is set to strike fear into the hearts of themselves.

As the fallout from the South Kerry CAMHS report, which detailed huge oversight failures and the prescribing of dangerously excessive amounts of medication to children, continues the HSE has confirmed accountability is top of their agenda.

“The whistleblower who raised concerns was ignored, stonewalled and driven out his position in CAMHS, so we completely refute accusations we didn’t act swiftly in this matter,” confirmed a spokesperson, highlighting how everything was fine now that they’d identified a scapegoat for a one off failure which is in no way systemic.

“To the parents of children affected we can confirm the full resources of the HSE is behind shifting the blame onto the dedicated staff we continually fail. What a shock it was for us all to discover a) Ireland even had child mental health services and b) that they’re completely failing. Learn something new everyday,” confirmed the HSE spokesperson for hide covering.

“And if you think we’re not serious about solving this, we’ve recently given the person in charge of the Department of Health who is over all this an €81k pay rise, how’s that for really taking this issue seriously?” concluded the spokesperson of DoH general secretary Robert Watt who was unavailable for questioning on Child, Adolescent Mental Health Services as he was improving his own mental health with a trip to Dubai for a wellness conference.