Prince Andrew Demands Trial By Combat

PROFESSIONAL son of the Queen, Andrew, has withdrawn his request of trial by jury in the civil case brought against him by Jeffrey Epstein victim Virginia Giuffre for alleged sexual abuse and amended his application to state his preference for ‘trial by combat’.

“Andrew will not be representing himself in combat obviously, he can’t. Nerves shot. Can’t sweat after the Falklands. Terrible business,” confirmed lawyers representing the royal embarrassment.

“Andrew’s decision to ask for a trial by combat has nothing to do with the addition to his legal team of 12 ex Mossad agents either, he’s just seeking a simple legal accommodation that would see the judicial process move as far away as possible from having to rely on testimony, facts, all that business,” added the legal team.

In a trial by combat scenario, Andrew has stated his preference for choice of weaponry to be extended beyond the traditional mace, sword and pistol to rocket launchers and heat seeking missiles.

“Andrew is simply seeking a level legal playing field,” added his legal team, who have also stated a desire to be allowed perform a character assassination of an individual who was trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein when she was 17.

Legal experts have praised Andrew’s unconventional approach.

“This is a great look for him; to berate a victim of a sexual predator and trafficker of underage women all while avoiding any cooperation with the FBI, why bother with trial by combat when a jury would fall in love with this saintly, stand up guy,” confirmed noted legal mind Rudy Giuliani.