I Says To Him “Yury, Ye Better Not Get In Our Way Now Or There’ll Be Fucking Slaps”

WITH NEWS of an agreement between Irish fishermen and the Russian government over controversial naval exercises off the southwest coast of Ireland, WWN speaks to Irish fishermen Kevin Mackay, who, along with his fishing peers, singlehandedly defused an international incident.

“Ah, Yury’s not the worsht of them now in fairness, God love him. Shure I could tell he’s all fart and no shite,” Mackay opened up today, speaking from his trawler about his encounter with the Russian Ambassador to Ireland, Yury Filatov.

“Shure didn’t he lash out a bottle of vodka, not a patch on the Aldi stuff but shure, and us batin’ into a few shots and some pickled green yokes before we even got shtarted, whisht, he’s a right character altogether. He doesn’t look like he skips dinners either if you get me, would eat the hind legs off the lamb of God”.

Initially, fishermen were angry at the potential disruption to their traditional fishing grounds, and this week hinted at their intention to peacefully disrupt the Russian plans by fishing as normal in the area.

“I pulled him up on it, I did,” Mackay explains, “I says to him, ‘Shtop the lights Yury, you’ll be getting more slaps than a stripper’s arse on an Irish stag if ye try anything’, I said. Sure, then he says to me, ‘Kevin’, he says, ‘we’re only teshtin’ the bloody missiles, is all,’, he said, ‘we’ll make sure not to blow ye up – how’s that?’, and I says back to him, ‘Yury, your some fucking man for one man, you’ve enough cheek for two arses’, and that was the general gist of it now – fair balls to him.”.

Despite strong opposition from the government, with Minister for Foreign Affairs Simon Coveney previously telling Russia it wasn’t welcome, the fishermen agreed to let the global superpower carry out their drills.

“Simon who?” Mackay said, “fucking simple Simon more like, sure all he had to do was ask Yury the craic instead going off spouting shite to the papers and licking America’s hole, better off necking a few shots and coming to an agreement instead of that aul’ childish muck”.

Following the successful agreement between the two sides, Mackay said he will now travel to the Ukraine with a few of the lads to help sort out problems there.

“Yury said he’ll come along for the craic too and we might even meet their president lad that walks funny,” Mackay stated.