One Twin Went Vegan, The Other Ate Meat. This Is What Happened.

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IDENTICAL twins Peadar and Jimpie Lacey from county Offaly took part in a scientific study to finally settle whether a vegan diet is healthier than eating meat. This is what happened to them over a 6-month period when Peadar ate strictly vegan food, while Jimpie continued to eat meat and dairy products.

“I noticed I started crowbarring in the fact that I was on a vegan diet into every single conversation,” Peadar recalled in the recently published study, “I remember I was at my aunts funeral in Tipp and telling the church that she probably wouldn’t have died if she went vegan, but in fairness to me, I did warn everyone to drink plenty of water if they went down the vegan route as the turds were like passing a small child sideways”.

Brother Jimpie, who remained eating meat, reported something called ‘sympathy pangs’, which he believes was channelling from his meat craving brother, instinctually forcing him to try everything in his power to get Peadar back to eating animals.

“I’d found myself ordering double quarter pounders with bacon, just to intice him,” Jimpie admitted, “I would make orgasmic sounds and say phrases like ‘lovely meat’, or ‘jaysis, imagine not being able to eat meat for 6 months like a dope’ –  I think this was more a survival thing, trying to coax my brother back to meat to save his life”.

In several instances, Jimpie would leave delicious images of meat-based dishes around their shared accommodation and would sometimes fry meat without turning on the cooker vent, just to fill the apartment with that irresistible smell, stating that he “wouldn’t even eat the meat himself”, instead leaving cuts on a plate in the fridge “for show”.

Eventually, it got to the stage were Jimpie would WhatsApp his brother daily with several hundred videos of steaks being cut up in slow motion by Salt Bae, eventually forcing Peadar to move out of the apartment, block his brothers phone number and apply for a restraining order through the courts.

“It all came to a head when Jimpie went out and bought a hotdog van and followed his brother around everywhere he went,” lead researcher of the study Dr. Cathal Ryan revealed, “then one day Peadar snapped and ended up in a high-speed chase to get away from him, before fatally crashing into a tree”.

“Look, I told him he’d end up dead if he kept up this meat free diet craic, and in a way I was one hundred percent right,” Jimpie now recalls from Mountjoy prison, where he will spend the next 3 years for manslaughter, “hopefully it wasn’t all in vain and people will take heed now before opting to go vegan”.

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