Man Will Miss Annoyingly Chatty Checkout Worker When She’s Replaced By Self-Service Till

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DESPITE being hit with a wave of anxiety every time he realises retail assistant Orna Collins will be the one to scan through his grocery items, local man Denis Pearson admits he will miss the unbearably chatty woman when the supermarket adds a few more self-service tills and finally dispenses with her.

“I only go to her checkout if there’s big queues at all the other ones, but sometimes she’s the only one on as well, it’s a ‘some weather we’re having’ filled nightmare,” explained Pearson of Collins, who has a habit of drawing out a simple shopping transaction into a 3-hour interrogation and anecdote filled ordeal.

“ISIS kidnap victims think they’ve had it hard, but they wouldn’t last 5 minutes into this one’s stories about her daughter’s love lives,” cautioned Pearson.

Collins, known to pass comment on a number of items customers purchase, will be shown the door whenever further investment is made in state-of-the-art conversation-free self-service checkouts.

“My heart breaks for her a bit though, any time something doesn’t scan properly she does this robotic ‘unexpected item in the bagging area’ and laughs like a hyena. It’s like watching one of Leonardo Di Caprio’s 23-year-old girlfriends talk about their future holiday plans – they’ve no idea they’re about to be let go,” Pearson concluded.

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