Category: HEALTH

Covid-19 Vaccine Vending Machines To Be Installed In All Irish Pubs

THE QUICK-ACTING Vintners Association has announced the introduction of over 5,000 vending machines nationwide which will be installed in every pub and will contain the newly founded Covid-19 vaccine, WWN has learned. Costing €20 a syringe, customers can self-inject themselves upon entry to their local bar without having to worry about signing their names or… Read more »

Fire Brigade Called After Donnelly Gets Head Stuck In Dáil Railings

FRESH from the Taoiseach revealing he only learned about the recent, probably fairly inconsequential collapse of the country’s contact tracing system via an Irish Times article, today has brought yet another embarrassing incident for the hapless three-party government. “Eh, sorry lads,” shared a sheepish Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly to firemen arriving at the scene… Read more »

Second Inquiry Into How Nursing Homes Will Be Failed A Second Time Needed Before First Inquiry Starts

FEARS are increasing that there will be a need for a second, separate inquiry into authorities’ failure to prevent Covid-19 clusters in nursing homes when it almost inevitably occurs a second time, even though the inquiry into how it happened the first time has yet to start. “Feck sake, not another possibly avoidable batch of… Read more »

These Are The Level 3 Fines The Government Are Considering

WITH THE news the government is looking into implementing fines for non-essential cross county travel and non-compliance when it comes to wearing masks on public transport ranging from €50-€200, WWN has sought to satisfy the public’s demand for more information on the full range of fines. Are the following fines a good deterrent against belligerents… Read more »