On A HSE Waiting List For Surgery? Here’s Some Home Surgery Hacks

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WAITING LISTS remain a huge issue in the health service and those awaiting surgery of the minor/major variety face serious delays amid a critical lack of access to healthcare.

Marketing and PR companies hired by the government with funds that probably could have been better spent going towards reducing waiting lists have been given the hard task of imploring people to think once more about their surgery and consider having a go themselves.

Having talked with PR specialists who are pioneering new ‘waiting lists: a state of mind’ and ‘trust your gut when performing gut surgery on yourself’ campaigns, WWN can provide some essential tips on performing your own essential operation:

Glue

Stitches seem hard, right?

The sharpest knife in your house that has jagged edges

Oh, and something to bite down on.

YouTube

YouTube was great when you wanted to take up the guitar again, right? They’ve got to have lessons for non-invasive keyhole surgeries too?

Netflix

With a large library of TV shows, movies and documentaries there’s probably a lot of medical jargon to pick up on the fly while also being entertained.

More glue, some Pritt Stick? Blu tack? Duct tape?

As the saying probably goes – more adhesive, less chance this will go horribly wrong.

Don’t panic when you’re told this

It’s really important you don’t pass out after seeing all that blood.

What not to do

Do not make any public appeals, go on radio phone ins, pressure local TDs, mobilise your family, friends, community to apply pressure on the faceless bureaucracy. They don’t like that at all.

Sign this form

This just absolves the HSE of any responsibility. Yeah, sign right there, thanks.

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