Orgies On The Bus With Half Price Fares: What Free Contraception & Transport Fare Reductions Means For Young People

IF you were a fan of the government blatantly trying to woo young voters away from left wing opposition parties then boy was this the budget for you!

Free contraception for 17-25 year old women, a 50% reduction in transport fares, a 50 cent hike in minimum wage, changes to the USC, Paschal, Micheál, Leo and the gang pulled out all the stops.

“I’ll be catching more rides than Disneyland and Universal Studios on steroids,” confirmed one young woman WWN spoke wit.

“It’s all over Snapchat and TikTok now, we’re all meeting up on public transport for orgies. I prefer the train for all that, speed bumps while on the bus are not your friend when you’re in the thick of it,” added the woman, confirming the worst fears of callers into Liveline.

It is believed the 50 cent rise in minimum wage will go towards carb loading to aide recovery in the brief windows in between orgies, with chippers and breakfast roll makers expected to benefit the most.

“I know some people have been giving out about the decision to cut off the free contraception at 25 but I tend to agree with the government all women over 25 are wealthy withered all crones without wombs,” confirmed another young woman.

The reduction in public transport fees are not just handy for endless orgies as the money saved combined with a €200 increase in the SUSI grant means students can act on Dublin City Council CEO Owen Keegan’s advice to students to solve the housing crisis by just buying apartment blocks.

“I only wish there was an election tomorrow, all these measures certainly make up for the fact I’ll be emigrating next year never to return,” shared a couple on the 15A in the midst of finishing the Kama Sutra.

“Renting well into 70s? You know I completely forgot about all that, I’ve been a bit distracted,” added a face emerging from underneath a throbbing scrum of naked limbs.