Pandemic Over, Again


THE government are considering easing restrictions at a meeting this weekend, following the news that the pandemic is mercifully over again for another while.

Early closing hours and social distancing rules are all on the table at the meeting, following the news that the Omicron wave in Ireland appears to have peaked, and cases have fallen to a much more manageable 20,000 a day or so.

As such, officials are expected to momentarily consider a ‘proceed with caution’ approach before going all-in and opening up the hospitality industry, confident that this time, this time they won’t have to shut it all down again in a month or two.

“Over the past few years, there were times when we really believed that the pandemic was over, only for it to turn around and bite us on the arse. But this time, we can safely say that it’s over, yay,” said a source close to the government, as officials from NPHET pounded on the window pleading for sense and reason.

“And look at that! We made it through without having to do things like close the schools, put artists back on the PUP, or invest a single cent into more ICU beds. Now everyone kick back, grab a pint, and enjoy the summer!”.

Meanwhile pharmaceutical chiefs are delighted that they didn’t have to release vaccination patents to developing countries during the pandemic, and are confident we’ve seen the last variant of concern for a lifetime.