Dept. Of Health To Pay Tony Holohan’s Trinity Salary; Here’s Things They Won’t Pay For

THE DEPARTMENT of health secured an easy PR win yesterday by confirming that when Tony Holohan steps down in his role as CMO he won’t technically be standing down and will have his full salary paid for by the department, who will also foot the bill for the replacement CMO.

A solid use of taxpayer money which should distract the public from the fact leaks have revealed the DoH is not sure what the HSE spent a €800mn cash injection on and if it needed it in the first place.

While the DoH has no issue with continuing to pay Holohan’s €185k salary despite him moving to Trinity College to an academic role, there are some things they just can’t in good conscience fork out for including:

Biros

They only bought a few boxes last month and you lot have already ‘lost’ them?

Any new processes that could reduce the waiting lists in the HSE

The DoH is of the belief that the HSE doesn’t need any help here as their policy of referring children in need of urgent care for psychologist appointments with psychologists that don’t exist because they haven’t been hired is working just fine.

A report that suggests it is actually possible to purchase outright the land you want to build a national maternity hospital on

Money for legal advice that makes sense and results in nuns not having a say over women’s healthcare doesn’t grow on trees you know.

Legal team to threaten journalists who obtain whistleblower leaks about rampant dysfunction with the department

This kind of legal advice is cheaper and requires a blank check.

Enhanced cyber security

What are the chances a second Russian ransomware hack would happen? Fanciful stuff.

One additional bed. Just one. One solitary bed

Money is available to form working group to conduct feasibility study into a review of procurement practices vis-a-vis beds. Report to follow.

Hiring a PR firm to make it sound like a secondment for someone who was formally stepping down from their position is very common.

Oh, our mistake they have money for that.