Government To Let Multiple People Use Same PCR Test Amid Shortage


RESPONDING to news that as many as 14 counties have no access to PCR tests with no open slots available for booking, the government has offered a stop gap solution while it tries to figure out who is responsible for PCR test capacity limitations during an increase in Covid cases.

“We’ve been liaising with the HSE and the Dept. of Health, and out of an abundance of a lack of commonsense we reckon if you’re really stuck for an appointment see if someone you know already has one and just share a swab with them,” confirmed a government spokesperson.

“And to think people dared suggest that we still don’t have our house in order 20 odd months into this pandemic,” added the spokesperson, unveiling the novel solution to PCR test shortage for the novel Coronavirus.

With news that of just four counties; Clare, Donegal, Galway and Mayo having availability for appointments serving as sobering evidence of the high instances of the virus in communities, people are being asked to be generous if they’ve managed to book a slot.

“Through the new PCR Buddy System you can bring someone to tag along with you if you’re lucky enough to get a slot. Remember travel in the same care, think of the environment etc. And once a tester has deep nasal and throated you, pass the swap to a pal,” added a spokesperson, who vowed to get back to reporters on the science of all this in due course.

The government went on to state that ‘foreseen and warned in advance’ demand for tests were actually ‘unforeseen’ and that they have pulled out all the stops as long as you weren’t including funding, planning and required staffing levels as ‘stops’.