Government To Meet NPHET For Emergency Secret Santa Draw


MEMBERS of the government are to meet with the National Public Health Emergency Team today after it was realised that imminent new restrictions may limit the present-buying time they have for their annual Secret Santa.

With the new Omicron variant almost certainly present in Ireland already, Minister For Health Stephen Donnelly called the crisis meeting for later today to ensure that none of the team miss out on a surprise gift valued at no more than 20 euro, with ‘much work’ to be done before everyone is happy.

“It’s not just as simple as drawing names, we have to allow time for swapsies” explained a NPHET team member who is also on the Christmas party committee.

“Last year both Minister Donnelly and Tony Holohan got each other, and they both bought shampoo as joke gifts. Well, Minister Donnelly got a big laugh when he opened his, but of course the joke wasn’t as funny the second time when Mr. Holohan opened his. So that lead to a falling out for months. So it’s things like this we have to look out for, you know? Also, we might be about to shut this whole bitch down again and we need to get this done so there’s nobody left out because they didn’t order online in time”.

NPHET and the government have also issued a new Secret Santa rule that forbids buying butt plugs as presents, as that joke has been done more than enough times.