St Pats Win FAI Cup Final After Game Decided On Fan Brawls

WITH the FAI Cup Final finishing 1-1 in extra time, longstanding rules in the Irish game meant St Patrick’s Athletic walked away the victors due to their fans winning the formal prematch brawl which met official requirements of ‘fists, flares and fucking eejits’.

“It’s not how you want to win it, but they all count,” confirmed one Pats fan, who like 99.9% of football fans managed to go to a football game without starting a fight.

Initially many people dismissed the regrettable scenes believing them to be part of the filming of the worst ever community theatre production of the movie Green Street before realising idiots like this actually exist.

“Look it, the ref’s call is final and all that but I felt the bottle I threw connected perfectly with the head of some poor cunt just trying to enjoy a prematch pint, so I thought we won the brawl myself,” offered one Bohs diehard fan who will never be allowed near a ground again.

While many people enjoyed the final with a near record attendance, some expressed worry at the violent scenes.

“That was absolutely pathetic,” shared one FAI official, who was so disgusted by the abject display seen on the streets that the FAI have vowed to fly in English hooligans to coach scumbags and raise the standards of thuggery will has been sadly neglected and suffered at the hands of FAI mismanagement.

Elsewhere, fans of Irish sports embroiled in abuse, rape, embezzlement, drugs, fraud and corruption scandals were thankful once again that they aren’t soccer fans.