Things That Make More Sense Than NPHET Recommendations To Government


RECOMMENDATIONS leaked to the media by members of government from NPHET include proposals to shutter pubs and restaurants by 5pm.

Airborne pandemics which have a tendency to throw in a ‘new variant’ plot twist every now and then are notoriously hard to eradicate, and many drastic and sweeping measures must be taken.

However, many people are trying to understand the rationale behind 5pm closures, which frankly make less sense than:

– Saying you can’t spread an STI if you just have sex before 5pm.

– Replacing the air bags in cars with cement blocks.

– Paying an electrician to fix your toilet.

– That lad’s rant on that Ryanair flight.

– The fact Boris Johnson has had sex at least 7 times.

– The average 4-year-old’s retelling of what they got up to today.

– Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina eggs.

– Claiming GAA county managers are paid nothing.

– Sex Ed taught by Pope Francis.

– Prince Andrew’s Pizza Express story.

– Throwing out your contact lenses solution and replacing it with shampoo.

– People happily paying €16 for two poached eggs, uploading photos of it to Instagram and calling it ‘brunch’.

– Saying schools are perfectly safe against Covid and then pretending you never said anything of the sort.

– Opening a window in a school instead of investing in air filtration.

– Your mam trying to describe famous people to you.

– Putting your anti-vax uncle who is the admin on the Plandemic Facebook group in charge of the booster programme.

– Banging your head against the wall to stop a headache.