SELF-isolating. Adequate social spacing. Phrases that have sprung into common parlance in the advent of the Coronavirus, all useful when keeping yourself and your loved ones safe; but where does that leave people when it comes to sex? WWN investigates. “We’ve had to completely ban the slow set” said Michael Hotstepper, owner of Waterford nightclub… Read more »
WHILE the world’s humans have been caught up in their struggle to contain the Covid-19 outbreak, very few have given much thought to the hurt caused by those vicious social media trolls who have tracked down and exposed the identity of the bat allegedly responsible for facilitating the cross species contamination. Derek, a Hubei based… Read more »
IT’S all anyone is talking about, it’s all anyone seems to have the ability to talk about but if anyone can guide us back to mindless talking about non-coronavirus related matters, surely it’s the experts dragging the arse out of minor gossip and news; the Irish. Are you teetering on the precipice of the edge… Read more »
HAVING endured almost an entire fortnight of dealing with the Coronavirus in a calm, measured manner, the time is upon us to break apart as a civilisation and grab what we can before it’s too late, according to experts. So far, Ireland has clocked up about 20 cases of the respiratory illness, with both the… Read more »
SELF-ISOLATING himself from all forms of news and media, local man Tommy Rogers has claimed the only thing he’s sick from is hearing about the coronavirus, WWN can confirm. “Panic, don’t panic, panic again; I’m sick to fucking death hearing about this stupid flu,” Rogers began, briefly removing earmuffs and a blindfold he had on… Read more »
THE WORLD’S billionaires have denied their sudden departure on a NASA shuttle bound for Mars has anything to do with the unrelenting spread of the deadly Covid-19 virus and that people left behind on Earth have ‘absolutely nothing to worry about’. “Oh, sorry, did we forget to tell you about the disease-free biosphere we built… Read more »
THE MAN has claimed he was forced into ingesting pellets carrying the valuable black market product by drug gangs who have abandoned selling illicit narcotics in favour of trading in the more lucrative items of Covid-19 related panic buys. An Irish hand sanitiser mule returning direct from Brazil is believed to have ingested 400 pocket-sized… Read more »
AS the rest of the world continues to fret and fuss over the (admittedly frightening) advance of the Coronavirus, WWN are here to let you know that the government-approved act of self-isolation in the event of contact with the virus may be the best thing that ever happened to you. The recommended two-week isolation period… Read more »
THE SECOND CASE of the general public ‘losing its shit’ in the Republic of Ireland has been confirmed by the Department of Health. It is not clear where this case of chronic panic-emptying of bowels originated but over 4 million people have now tested positive for the condition with no sign of a cure in… Read more »
RAISING a hand drawn certificate with the words ‘Coronvilus Espert!’ on it above his shoulders in dignified celebration, one staggeringly unqualified man has confirmed, via every comment section below articles on Coronavirus, that he is the preeminent expert on the virus. “It’s all bullshit,” Darren Frehily (44) wrote in a peer reviewed research paper which… Read more »