“Stick Your Claps Up Your Hole And Get Us Some Fucking Help” Nurses Plead

FRONTLINE health workers across the country have today kindly asked the government, HSE, anyone at all, to stick their claps up their holes and actually get them some proper fucking help, stat!

“We appreciate all the praise, the contributions, free take aways, claps, all that stuff; but we’re stretched beyond capacity here due to poor governence and what we actually need is all hands on deck, cheers,” a statement read, written on an old facemask because they ran out of basic supplies.

With the now desperate HSE calling back close contact staff who were previously sent home, Irish hospital’s breaking point are now reportedly at breaking point, something no one in government could have ever seen coming.

“It’s mad the way the hospitals that were already struggling every single year before this are still struggling! And now add on this covid craic into the mix? It’s just so unpredictable the whole thing,” insisted current floating Minister for Health, Steven Donnolly, slapping his forehead like a big eejit, echoing his predecessors from previous terms; Simon Harris and Leo Vradkar.

“There seems to be some kind of link between winter, people not feeling well and this whole ‘worst global pandemic in recent history’ thing, we must look into it.”

Now writing a post-it note for ‘the next temporary health minister’, Donnelly penned ‘probably should listen to the health official warnings next time’, before sticking it onto the Leinster House fridge and breaking for a lengthy lunch break.