AstraZeneca No Longer Recommended For Davids Under 50 Born On A Wednesday


FIRST plagued by issues with the delivery of the AstraZeneca vaccines, now the subsequent decision by the NIAC to no longer recommend its use for any David under 50 born on a Wednesday can be added to its list of teething problems.

“Now this only applies to Davids whose middle name begins with an ‘S’,” confirmed one person with knowledge on the matter.

Davids under 50 born on Wednesdays with a middle name beginning with ‘S’ who drive VW Golfs won’t miss out on vaccinations completely as there are a number of other vaccines available which make up part of the nationwide vaccination programme.

“Obviously if these Davids had an imminent appointment, it will a shame and a frustration to have it cancelled but remember this just affects those cohort of Davids that also went to the Metallica gig in Slane in 2019 – via the N2 or the M1,” confirmed the insider, “if you’re a David over 60, 70, 110 etc you’re laughing”.

Authorities asked everyone to cross their fingers that no other vaccine emerges from further trials with a ban on anyone who had their ear pierced before they were 15, or have operated heavy machinery in the last 100 years from receiving it.

Despite the fact you are far more likely to die in a car crash than develop blood clots from the AstraZeneca jab, the measure has limited the number of people who can receive it out of an abundance of caution, however one sad fallout from this is the exponential increase in your aunt’s vaccine-related rants on Facebook.

Elsewhere, the government was seen celebrating wildly at the emergence of some fresh news they can blame for any failures to deliver a speedy and inefficient vaccine rollout.