Winter Coats To Hide Your Raging Horn

AS every male human being on the planet knows, spontaneous erections in public can be one of the most embarrassing experiences of their lives, sometimes leading to spells of depression and even jail time if left untreated.

‘The big coat’ or winter jacket has long been a favourite of men wishing to disguise their raging horn from innocent passersby, so today we have picked 4 of the best jackets to hide them with.

The Parka 

This classic design first originated in the late 50s, before rising to popularity in the 1960s during the mod era which carried on into the 80s. Parka jackets have long been synonymous with hiding throbbing members due to its crotch covering length and neat fit. This beauty will restrict even the biggest of horns and is still quite fashionable today. Perfect for bus erections as the pockets allow easy access to the penis, allowing the wearer to peel his micky from his inside leg in an instant.

The Duffle Coat

Heavy duty horns means a heavy duty coat, and the duffle does just that. Made from duffel, a coarse, thick, woollen material, this Belgium made garment is a must for any man of girth. These coats are by design one of the safest choices on our list today. You can’t see or feel a thing through its thick duffle, making it ideal for male commuters who struggle daily on packed trains squashed against other people.

The Trench Coat

Trench coats are by far one of the greatest coats ever made for men. We cannot recommend them enough. The trench coat’s clever design allows wearers to walk around free of worry, giving you the confidence you need to leave your normal clothes at home. That’s right, you don’t even need a pair of pants or top underneath. Brilliant for easy access or indeed flashing your crotch on the street. You can’t go wrong with these bad boys. Every penis owner should have at least one in their wardrobe.

The Dad Jacket

As you get older and erections are few and far between, your choice of jacket will become one of the most important decisions of your life. Dad jackets vary from generation to generation, but the design more or less stays the same. Choosing the right dad jacket is crucial as it is to last you for the next 20 to 30 years. Dad jackets must have an extended midriff area to hold the belly into place. Pockets on either side should allow you to to pull the fat over the belt buckle, but more importantly, you should be able to use this extra jacket space to hide any raging horn you may be lucky to get. Dad jackets come in a range of colours and textures, with the most popular being the brown leather variety, followed closely by black leather and stone washed denim. These Jackets are also perfect for smoking fags outside pubs, and even come with a handy comb pocket, so you can comb over that greying hair in style.