THE new trend of ‘quiet quitting’; a form of workplace protest where employees do the absolute bare minimum and refuse to work any harder than they are legally required to is sweeping the world as millions of young people kick back against substandard pay and conditions. But here’s the funny thing many workers think this is something new, that they just came up with!
“Wait, they think they’re the first employees in history to do fuck all? Haha! I’ve done fuck all my whole life!” laughed one old-timer who works in our office, coming off a 27-minute coffee break before heading for a 39-minute shite.
“They’re resolved to only work the exact hours they’re paid for, and refusing to take on any tasks that are outside the exact job description? Call me old fashioned, but were these dumb bastards working overtime for free up to now? Oh my good Jesus, that is hilarious,” giggled a woman we spoke to, who hasn’t broken a sweat in 30 years of working since ‘wising up’ on her 2nd day on the job.
WWN also spoke to labour specialist Dr. Ulaf Harris, who explained that today’s youth ‘had to invent’ quiet-quitting to make their small-scale industrial action look like a movement, and not just laziness.
“Kids these days won’t do anything unless it’s a Tiktok challenge, so bless them they felt the need to stick a cool name on ‘scratching their holes’,” explained Dr. Harris.
“But the practice is not a new one. People can’t do much about being underpaid, but they can do plenty about being overworked. And it’s not just the service industry, people from all sectors are joining in. Finance, government, even journalism. When people feel like they’ve done enough work for the day, then they simply