“From Me To Me” Says Putin Opening Valentine’s Gift Of Sovereign Ukrainian Territory

RUSSIAN topless man on horse clearly in the throes of a midlife crisis Vladimir Putin has expressed surprise at Vladimir Putin this Valentine’s Day, insisting ‘you shouldn’t have’ when opening a gift he got for himself.

“You can’t expect loved ones in your life to be mind readers, sometimes you’ve just got to practice what I call self-romance and treat yourself,” explained Putin, outlining his decision to seduce himself with the only sort of gift which could come close to expressing his true feelings for himself; the sovereign territory of a democracy.

“And others will say you can’t buy someone the same thing twice, but that’s bullshit I got myself Crimea 8 years ago and I still use it every day,” added Putin, pulling at the red velvet ribbon of his gift set which included part of the Donbass region.

The old romantic also revealed he is more of a ‘Valentine’s Week’ kind of guy and could not rule even more self-administered surprise gifts as the days progressed.

“Get you a man who knows your worth, and maybe also has access to one of the biggest armies in the world – there’s no gift that’s off limits. In some cases you don’t even have to pay for it. The security guards just watch you pick up a sovereign nation’s territory and walk right out of the shop and do nothing to stop you,” explained Putin, outlining plans for the coming evening which included watching romantic movie Fatal Attraction.