Perfect Your Nordie Accent To Get A Vaccine Up North With These Simple Tips
EXPERTS are advising Irish people hoping to be vaccinated anytime soon to watch the 1997 political thriller ‘The Devil’s Own’ starring Brad Pitt, in order to help perfect a Northern Irish accent convincing enough to trick NHS staff into giving you a jab in Belfast, WWN can report.
With the UK vaccination program currently leagues ahead of anything in the Republic, passing yourself off as a Nordie has become one of the only ways to ensure you get a vaccine this side of Easter 2022, so here’s a few tips to appear like a local when you cross the Crossmaglen parallel:
1) Perfect the accent
Along with Brad Pitt’s fine example of a northern accent in the aforementioned Devil’s Own, people are advised to also watch as much of the late-90s sitcom ‘Give My Head Peace’, as well as spending an hour a day looking at themselves in the mirror and repeating ‘Now on the UTV…’.
The Belfast-set season 3 episodes of the TV show ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ are also recommended as a shining example of what Northern Irish people sound like, and the tear-stained 2018 apology of DUP MP Ian Paisley Jnr to parliament is also recommended, just for the laugh.
2) Always be arguing
ABA – always be arguing. Our Northern neighbours are not known for their agreeableness, so as you inch your way along the vaccination queue in Newry, throw in a few barbed comments about ‘them ones up the road in Belfast’, and try and finish every other sentence with ‘sure they can get nothing done at all without the other crowd giving out’. Munch on soda bread and discuss the 12th of July loudly for added authenticity.
3) Avoid giving yourself away
Many southerners have made it as far as rolling up their sleeve to receive their jab before giving themselves away with the silliest, most easily avoidable flubs.
For the love of inoculation, avoid saying things like ‘I can’t believe Persil liquitabs are so cheap up here!’ or ‘I remember coming up here for the morning after pill before we got it ourselves’. Just stay schtum and once you get your jab, you can chat all you want about how you found it confusing going from KM/H to MPH on the motorway.