Trump Takes Ball, Goes Home

CURRENT US president Donald Trump has adopted a time-tested and highly effective method of ending a contest before it’s over in a bid to cling onto power, citing that it’s getting dark and it’s time to wrap things up and just say he’s won.

In a move that shocked nobody, Trump declared victory after briefly inching ahead in the votes, leaving Democratic candidate Joe Biden angrily standing on the playing field of world democracy arguing that the game wasn’t over yet, there was still a lot to play for, and their dinner wasn’t even ready so there’s no need to go home just yet.

“It’s not even that dark out yet!” argued the Democrats as Trump took his political football and headed home, where angry spectators had gathered to see if the president would come out and finish the game properly.

“Donald has told me that you’re all trying to get him to keep playing even though he’s won the game, just so you can say you’ve beaten him” scolded a stern Republican party, after their precious little Donnie had told them about the mean Democrats who just want to take his ball away.

“You’ll get your chance again to play in four years, but enough is enough right now. Donald’s foot spurs are acting up again and he’s just gotten over a bad dose of Covid-19, so I think that’s quite enough democracy for one day. Go on, get gone before I ring the National Guard to come pepper spray you all”.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is wondering if this is how America carries on, do they even want to be their friend anymore.